Random thoughts at 3:30AM Let the sleepless nights begin!

Here it is 2:40am....wait it's spring ahead so it's 3:40am and I can't sleep. The anticipation of Patrick coming home in about 7 weeks is starting to get the best of me. I miss him so much but all I can think about with him coming home is how he is going to be gone again in a few short months. How are we as a family suppost to make up the time of the last seven months in such a short amount of time of him being home? (I know these answers but please bare with me as I process my thoughts so i can try to sleep.) It's so hard to start preparing for the next deployment when he isn't even home from the current one. I do have to say this last deployment has gone by so fast compared to the first one, but it isn't much comfort. All I want is for him to be here, to play with the kids, to pick on me to the point that it annoys the living crap out of me, to take charge of the kids for just one day, go to the beach as a family, drive around looking for something to do and to never find anything so we end up going home to watch a movie as a family. MY FAMILY, That's what I miss. Not me and the kids, but Husband, Wife, Kids, and dog. In the mean time I'm tired of repeating the answer "I don't know" 100 times a day when people ask me for more information on when he gets home. When I know, everyone else will know. I may not know until the day before that happens. I understand that's hard for people to make plans and everyone wants phone calls but I am relaying what I know, when I know it. My biggest fear is that Britnie and Pat aren't going to get enough time together since she goes to Colorado for the summers. She has had to make the biggest adjustment of all of us, and I think her spending time with us as a family is so important to her. That's all she talks about anymore, "it doesn't feel the same without daddy here." It's been so hard on her to leave one dad in Colorado, and another one be gone for almost the whole time we have lived here. She needs that assurance.

More random thoughts:
There are so many things that still need to get done that I just can't find the time for. I still need to get our taxes done, but my days are filled with housework, and school work. I refuse to take the kids with me while I get the taxes done, but our weeknights are so busy I couldn't do it then anyway. Honestly I think I'm scared to get our taxes done after our foreclosure. I want to get his car cleaned really good, and a tune up on his bike, and unpack/wash all of his clothes that are still in his footlockers. I was hoping to lose some more weight before he got home but I don't even make time for the gym. I'm trying to get ahead in my school work that way when he get's home I'm not stuck infront of the computer all day. I have a GPA of 4.0 so far and I want to keep that. I'm afraid that if I can't get ahead before he get's home I will start to slack off. It wouldn't be the end of the world if I got a B in a class, but for anyone who knows me if I set my mind to something, very little can stand in my way. That has been a HUGE stress on me lately.

One more thought before I close this rambling session. I know people have thought about coming out here and I think everyone knows Pat's and my wishes but just in case you don't here they are. We don't care who comes out when he get's home but we are asking that if you come, we are giving you until the first weekend in May. We love our families dearly but we do not want visitors every couple of weeks the entire time he is home. There is always an adjustment period after a deployment and the fewer interruptions in that process the better for us as a couple and a family. We need to find our routine as a family again. I don't care who sleeps in our house if you are here before he get's home but we are asking that once he is home for you to get a motel room. We feel it is important for us to have that space as a family. I'm sorry if you think this is selfish of us in anyway, but if you have been in our shoes I know you understand it and agree with it.

For anyone who is still reading this I hope it made sense. I know when my brain get's going I jump around a lot. I would not be surprised if I am the only one who knows what I just typed. Oh well, when it is 3:30 in the morning and I don't feel like waking anyone up to call them I guess the blog is the best I can get. So good morning to everyone and have a wonderful day. I am going to try and sleep now. Hopefully my brain will slow down once my head hit's that pillow.

HAHAHA I just looked at the clock. It's 4:22am now. I've been sitting here for almost an hour and yet I am still typing. OK seriously, I'm going to bed.